10 Wrestlers Who Kayfabe Committed Attempted Murder 

Sheamus, Cesaro, The Miz, & Kane

Whilst you can easily believe Kane has attempted murder, as he has many times on The Undertaker, Jim Ross, Shane McMahon (as well as electrocuting his testicles) not to mention the impregnation of Lita (and yes, he eventually became a good guy for that latter one – “Kane the good guy rapist” as Brian Zane of Wrestling With Wregret labels him). 

Sheamus, The Miz, and Cesaro are harder to swallow, I mean, just look at Cesaro’s handsome Swiss face.  

The TLC 2017 Pay-Per-View was thrown into disarray when a viral infection – mumps, to be specific – broke out, sidelining Roman Reigns. One of the strangest ever main events on paper ever took place as Kurt Angle teamed with Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose to face the fabulous fivesome of The Bar (Sheamus & Cesaro), The Miz, Braun Strowman, and Kane in a three-on-five handicap Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match.  

Now, if there were one way I would not like to die, it would be crushed in a garbage compactor (or rubbish truck, as we would say in the UK).  

The Bar and Kane Kayfabe Committed Attempted Murder in WWE
The group just after having dispatched Strowman (Photo courtesy of ‘WWE Universe’ on Twitter)

After the team inevitably descended into chaos, the Irish-Swiss-American-Parts Unknownian connection dumped “The Monster Among Men” into a large garbage truck that was at ringside for no apparent reason. Strowman had lost to Kalisto in a Dumpster match earlier in the year, with a dumpster a weird early motif in Strowman’s popularity. The team lost the match; they had murdered one of their teammates in the process. 

The Miz and The Bar were both titleholders and neither were punished for the attempted murder with both them and Kane all wrestling the next Raw without consequence for killing the WWE’s biggest prospect at the time. 

Except, Braun did not die, re-emerging eight days after the PPV, spawning out of the same garbage truck he had presumably been living in the last few days like Tom Hanks in Castaway. No need to press charges though, eh? 


Rikishi

The vivaciously-arsed Rikishi is one of the more kooky Attitude Era characters, getting overdue to his ability to take huge stunts and dancing skills with Too Cool but if we’re to be brutally honest, it was mostly the fact he had a big rump, that he put to good use on opponents. 

It is well-known but nonetheless lost in his goofiness that the ex-Fatu attempted vehicular murder when driving into Steve Austin at Survivor Series 1999. 

Building up to the event, the WWF knew Austin was still out of action due to healing from injuries but advertised his participation in a WWF title match. In a pre-match moment, “The Texas Rattlesnake” got into it with Triple H, ending with “Stone Cold” lying stone cold on the ground after a car drove straight into him at speed. 

For nearly a year, WWF commissioner Mick Foley used his Poirot skills to try to investigate who ran over Austin, with HHH the obvious culprit. Perhaps thinking “The Game” was too obvious, the WWF instead revealed it was Rikishi. Yes, the comic relief Samoan who rubbed his butt in people’s faces was also an unconvicted felon.  

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Foley confronting Rikishi (Photo courtesy of TheSportster)

Dashing for a justification, he did it for The Rock which turned out to be a ploy as the whole plot was masterminded by Triple H. Rikishi was briefly thrust into the main event scene for a short period, a strange reward for mowing someone over with a car. He also was given the “Bad Man” moniker, which is slightly underselling things. 

After attempting to put his attempted murder aside, Rikishi never reached the same high card placement again.  

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